My Better Half

I love Julian.

Yesterday was my kinda shitty birthday, but I'm so glad.. That he stood with me,

After the whole day was done and we were drinking on my porch during that beautiful storm, I talked to him about a lot of things, and most of all I told him I love him, and just how much I love him.

How when he leaves and I'm doing other things I get the random feeling of something missing... It's his arms wrapping around me randomly. I start wondering when my other hands will be back. When we're in a bad fight, the whole time I'm looking at him thinking about how much I love him, and how handsome he is, but I'm so fucking frustrated. I love how easy it is for people he barely knows to fall for him, I love how guys look up to him, and I love how girls wish they had someone like him.

I feel blessed, and happy knowing I'm for him, and he's for me too.

He's apart of me, and we're going to grow from here.

 ....

Sometimes we'll be around some trashy people, they'll say something rude to Julian,

 and I'm like,

Come at me, bro.

Then they zip their lip and we're like,

Yeah, fuck you and all those parts too.

We get home and Julian's like,

 

Knocked the fuck out next to my foot,

Then the next day we're chillin' with my best friend like,

Yeeahh, iguanaa.

....

I love Julian.

Merry Monday gangstas

I noticed my page views are going up,

So, I decided to write something.

 

I'm one of those people who's bad with remembering to take medicine, so I'll set an alarm, take it then try to go back to sleep, but I can't. Julian's a lucky one, he can knock straight back out. Last night, I'm waiting on Julian to jump in the shower with me, after I finished braiding my hair I walk into the room and ask him what was prolonging the situation, he was so eager earlier. He turns his head half way and says, "Someone threatened you." I'm a bit confused so I climb over and sit on his back. It's some girl I told to shut up via Book of faces the other day, I don't really know her, but I detest her for screwing my pregnant friend's boyfriend. So, when she calls me nasty 'cause I laugh at something, let all of thee disdain be known. Anyway, she sent my boyfriend a loonnnggg message saying, "Your girls done, I'm going to find her, I'm fuckin' crazy, you don't know me." All that except, she had really shitty grammar. It made me chuckle a bit since I'm about 5'7, lean, clean, and a bust a bitch or two up machine, I've got a lot on a scrawny, alcoholic, slut junkie, as you may imagine.

Her picture on the site is of her in her underwear drinking beer.
I wonder what message she's trying to send...

How can someone be so butthurt over virtually encountering the someone bigger, badder, and smarter, that they were most likely warned about years ago? I can't say that's ever happened to me because I don't talk to people like I am a snooty bag of dog crap, I just disagree, or call out hypocrisy, and people get sooo angry. I'm currently wondering if she's serious, knowing her intelligence level and inexperience, I don't want to be associated as the girl who beat the other girls butt over the next 3-5 months when people see me. It's self defense.... but it's still distasteful to fight over your feelings being hurt on the internet. Maybe she could prevent it next time by not being a slutbutt, asshole.

Julian was daring her to go ghetto on him, his daddy's got pull with the CPD.
Why would anyone think they could hurt me when their bodies are being destroyed from the inside out, and they're fucked up off SOMETHING every day.

 Oh, your caps lock is so scary, please don't shank me with your bottle shiv, or bite me.
You're boring, and slinky, with nothing to talk about except money that isn't yours, and guns you don't have, you've been infected by the street urchins surrounding you outside or maybe even your own family, you haven't had the capacity to be a winner so you chose to be a sheep in the costume of a wolf.
Glum, and when I show you brilliant apathy you threaten me with your washed up aggression?
I could skin you.

My lower back

Hey guys, I've missed this place.

I've been through tons of ups and downs, and I get hives a lot now from anxiety,

Julian and I are still together, we fight, but usually it ends up okay. 

I miss MARS. So much :/

I took out all three of my lip rings now all I've got is my septum, and double nostrils.

like so :)

Julian and his mom said it looks better 'cause now people can focus on my whole face rather than just my piercings, I think I like it :) hahaha, Julian's in the living room watching "Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie" It's hilarious but I'm not really in the movie watching mood, I'm more in the mood to write, I've slowed down a ton on my writing.. Poetry and all, my brain has been busy with other things, like, Julian, cleaning, cooking, avoiding problems with people, staying fit, and so on.

I'm tryin'a get like this.

 I think I'm getting an Ipod finally after two and a half years without one,

The downside is that it's going to be the one with the glass screen so I'm going to be afraid to take it with me anywhere because I like to run around and do crazy stuff sometimes. I could just get a warranty but idk if that applies for the screen cracking 'cause I've seen about 6 people go bazerk because they dropped their ipods calling their parents frantically. One time it was actually Mars's fault for scaring some girl, she jumped, ran away, and plop went her Iphone, she looked like someone died.

I guess it makes me an asshole for laughing about it later, 'cause when it happens to me it wont be so funny <<. Warranty it is.

Well, it seems that I can't blog and listen to music at the same time so, farewell reader,
I will write again.

Let me elaborate.

If you're angry enough to kill someone, I think it should be yourself.

Why? Because I believe it's only a temporary outlet and you're only going to keep doing it, so might as well just make it you, your life your decision.

....

I say that because last night I was drinking coffee with Julian and he said if he was me he'd kill someone, for some reason it stuck with me because when I was at the psych ward they'd always ask me a series of messed up serious questions.. Whether or not I was homicidal was one of them.

Do you know what it's like to wake up and get put in handcuffs?

It sucks because when you rip open your eyes and tear out some eyelashes in consequence of crying your eyes out the night before, cops interpret "What did I do?" as resisting. They put your handcuffs on really tight, put you in the back of the big CPD van which looks like a cage, then they drive you to the west side to a psych ward you've never been to before and tell you,
"If you don't belong here, don't worry."

I'm not worried, I'm sad, and I can't believe this. After this happens 4 times you start to wonder if it will ever stop. Things get worse, and you don't have hope you're just stalling.