I don't know.
I've been writing a lot of lyrics and stuff lately, I probably wont post them anywhere though.
They're too personal for the world without back round music. Tim and I are still good, thankfully.
These past few days I've been thinking about Tommy a lot though, the other day I sparked a blunt with some old friends and they brought him and a bunch of things he used to do up, I had a flashback, laughed, cried, then laughed again... But the last time I was laughing at myself, not the memories.
All I can think about him and I is everywhere I went wrong, all the chances I had to talk to him, to tell him what I was thinking, the chances I never took. How it's too late and there's nothing I can do now, I guess I'm really not over it if all that can resurface so rapidly, I really love Tim though, I wanna hold him all the time and tell him how much I love him.
My new beginning is going fairly well you could say, I'm not as sad as I used to be. What's scary is that... That could change fast, and I have little control over it. Lately, I've found myself yelling 'Leave me alone' at my ringing mobile, every last person I want to hear from at one moment just so happens to call me at thee exact time that I'm not at all in the mood. So, the situation results in me seeming a bit crazy to whoever overhears me yelling at a ghost.
I've been falling asleep listening to music on my laptop, I wonder how many times I'll go to stretch my legs out 3/4ths asleep and kick it off the arm of my couch before I decide to smarten up and put it on the table next to the couch instead.
Nobody in my building wants me to have Mars except my brother and maybe my uncle, they're all trying to find reasons for me to give him up, 'He doesn't eat enough', 'he doesn't walk', 'the yard is dirty', 'you don't have him under control', 'That's a mans dog'
Haha, none of these people are ever around him, their jealousy amazes me. I walk him for three hours a day, he gets fed twice a day and eats like a pigggg, the yard was dirty but I went out there and cleaned it, poop and cigarettes in all (That was the first thing they complained about), I don't know what the him not being under control is about he's obedient for me, crazy obedient. Sometimes he just wants to stay outside and it's too cold for me out there.
A 'mans' dog? Really people? Sexist idiots. German Shepherds don't need an ass kicking or a deep voice, they need patience, with patience comes love. That's what I've learned. Mars has patience with me too, I was really sad sometimes and he was sooo good for me, that's really what mattered, when everyone else was making everything really hard, he was at his best.
People are like, 'That's YOUR dog?' Hell yeah, this is my dog, how is that even questionable? Do you see how close he stays to my left leg? He might as well be attached to my arm.
I can't wait for spring. Walking will be more tolerable, and I'll be able to work out outside while Mars runs around, this year is going to be so beautiful.
