I'm currently sitting in a small living room watching (but not really) Julian get tattooed.
I'm suffering from lack of sleep, coffee, and security.
I would somewhat like to slam my head against a brick wall or maybe a wooden post,
Get some gnarly splinters going.
I can't blame anyone for my situation, but I can blame them for knowing about it and deliberately making it substantially difficult, care for an example? Julian checking out our host right now.
Haha, I wish I knew why I put myself between rocks and cold walls.
Stupidity or ignorance? Naivety or genuinity?
These are the questions I'm asking myself.
Along with, do I really want this? Why do I need it?
I fear I'm addicted to the pain,
Maybe I subconsciously like it,
What if it's the only thing that fuels me, negative things?
So I draw all the negativity to me, now I'm over thinking.
.... I wish I had an invisibility cloak, I'd put it on right now and leave, I also wish I had wings.
So I wouldn't have to walk all the way down those damn stairs.
Things at the ward have been crrrazy, all those kids are more like animals.. They even smell like them.
Screaming all through out the day, fighting, we can never get a group session done. Some of the girls confide things in me completely at random, do I look like I care if you're pregnant? You had an STD, cool, keep that thing away from me. Your 'best friend' stabbed you in the back and told all your friends, be more careful next time. You don't like the other girl in group because she wears a wig? Live and let live. Seriously, I wonder all the time if maybe just maybe some of these people like it there, they keep coming back because it makes them feel wanted, loved, it gives them two grown men to aggravate and disrespect with no consequence. Throw a chair at a wall and get your own room, with time to think, devise a plan, free food, and drugs- They love the drugs. Spin your web of lies and you're right back on the first floor again, annoying and avoiding truth.
I'm tired, bored, and bothered, I'm sure you can tell.
It seems Host Girl and Ink Man are together, Julian has refocused his attention on me.
Ha, good fucking night reader.
